I think I am having a bit of relationship drop.
We recently had ten days of bliss. Non stop time together and it was amazing. Unlike both of our other visits we had more time. Time to do ordinary life things with each other. Cooking, cleaning, reading, watching movies, the stuff of everyday life.
This is what life is like in an LDR. Long periods of separation with (up until this last visit) a short time to reconnect. That is hard on people. Those very intense highs of actually being with the person that means the most to you followed by the return to daily life where contact, by necessity is limited. Don’t get me wrong, not getting to see your person at all is worse. But it doesn’t mean the times after a reunion are easy either.
I know that is true for me, I coast on the high and the memories of our sojourn for quite a while after. But inevitably my mind returns to wanting that high again. This doesn’t even take into account what D/s brings to the equation.
It starts for me with a vague dissatisfaction with things. My thoughts begin to stray from remembering how amazing everything was to how the things I do now would be better if we were together. I get irritable about things that I would normally be able to glide right over. I get grumpy and cantankerous (yes, more than I usually am) on a day to day basis.
By the time I notice and think about what is going on I have shared my less than pleasant demeanor with those in my local life. This isn’t good for anyone. I know then that I am suffering from drop. That realization doesn’t actually make anything better. The longing and feelings of separation don’t just magically disappear because I am aware it is happening.
But armed with that knowledge I can at least begin to channel and act in a more self aware manner. To be conscious about how I am feeling and why and do my best to not cause undue disruption to the people in my life that I care about.
I mentioned the D/s part of this drop and that is its own dilemma. Not that D/s is a completely dissociated part of me, it isn’t but it is easy to lose sight that I generally only get to let loose that facet of me when we are together. Sure, there are lots of D/s things we can do while apart, but while it is fulfilling it is not the same of seeing, in person her reaction to what we are doing. That body language that tells me that what we are doing is right and feels good for the both of us.
As well I have to sublimate the the physicality of kink moment that just can’t happen while we are apart. There really isn’t anything I can do to express my need to spank her or any of the other things that require us to be together.
I could have her drip wax on herself and that could be fun. But I miss all of the things that come with doing that in person. The smell of the burning candle, the smell of her, the look in her eyes as the hot wax drips onto her body. The totality of our moments together.
I know that she feels some of these things too and we work hard to minimize those feelings for each other. But in the end there is no fix to this except when we can be together again and work hard to make the times in between as loving and supportive as we can.
If you were reading this post with some hope of a solution to this dilemma, then I am sorry to disappoint you. We haven’t worked that out yet. But if you have and you would like to share then I would be happy to read what works for you.
Because I know that we are not alone in being separated for the person we want to be with and that we are luckier than some with the world being the way that it is. But maybe a burden shared is a burden lessened.
I know that this is just a drop in the ocean.