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Not Going or Coming

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I haven’t had an orgasm since late July.

I had lots of them for ten glorious days. I have written about the drop I felt afterward and how that impacted me. But there is one part of that drop that I didn’t notice.

Sex and orgasms with her are wonderful and deeply satisfying in a way that orgasms without her are not. I have always preferred orgasms with a partner over just masturbating. They are more powerful and fulfilling and weirdly make me want more.

Mostly masturbation is a physical release, a way to relive the tension. It helps a bit with the longing for her. But it isn’t much of a help. So what I tend to do is just push those thoughts out of my head. But what I didn’t realize is that it impacts her too. My suppression of my desires have a roll on effect. It means that I am not being there for her and keeping that connection, that part of our love that includes maintaining our sexual connection.

I need to work on a way to better balance this for the both of us, because denying my sexual needs to the point where I don’t think about them any more isn’t good or healthy.

For either of us.


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