Lillith recently wrote a post for KotW I for Ice-Cream on food control. In it she says “I knew it was something Michael was into” and that isn’t exactly correct. I mean I don’t get sexual pleasure from controlling what she eats, just like I don’t get turned on by making sure she drinks enough water everyday. I DO get pleasure from controlling her and making sure she takes care of herself.
Yes, caring, for me, is a kink. Combining caring with control and making sure she is as healthy as she can be, that she is accomplishing her goals brings me far more pleasure than updating the online schedule for her each week. Yes, we have (first Lillith and now Molly) an online spreadsheet that I make each week and then all of us update it with things that need to be done. It seems the accountability of that document helps with completing the tasks that need to be done. I like that.
D/s is not always about whips and floggers and chains (oh my) but about all of life. It is about working together as a team to meet our goals and desires. Being LDR means that having the caring control keeps us connected and keeps me involved in her daily life. It is being the dom she needs in quiet and attentive ways each and every day. I want her to be the best version of herself that she can be and both of us identifying a place where she needs help and working on a way to try to address that is what feeds my kink.
The title of this post is a riff on the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and while that book isn’t really that informative about Zen, or motorcycles for that matter I like the concept of those two things combined. Being calm and thoughtful while working on something complex. And that is what relationships and d/s are in my mind.
Since Lillith and I are LDR I can’t just reach out and put her over my knee when she hasn’t finished writing a post as she has been instructed. That’s why there are points (and May is coming) and spreadsheets and Whatsapp. Neither can I monitor her in person every day. So all the small areas where she has ceded control in her life are a way to bridge that gap.
I love all the little ways we have found to feed each others kinks while we are apart and I know that we will find more and some that we do now will fall by the wayside, but we learn and grow and keep finding ways to care for each other, as well as the other people in our lives.
I can’t wait for what the future brings as we explore Zen And The Art Of Gentle Dominance as well as all of our other, rougher, perversions. Like the knife shown in the image 😀
I love this. I’m definitely all for gentle dominance and look forward to reading more.