Irresponsible Me

Doms always have to be the “adult in the room” even during a break up. The flip side of power is responsibility.

No True Way

So I am going to start with my decidedly hetero normative view, because, well that is where I live. I am a penis enabled person with a vulva enabled person as a submissive so that is the only place I can write from.

I learned what it is to be a man in the 60’s and 70’s and there were a lot of rules about how you did that. Always being the responsible one was right at the top of that list. And as much as there has been progress towards recognizing how much that steals agency from other it is honestly still a fact of life.

No matter how much I am told that I don’t always have to be strong and responsible and can show weakness the actual expectation is that I will always have to step up and reassure everyone else that everything will be ok.

So in a way I do think that the quote is true in practice but it should not HAVE to be true. I am often told that I never worry about anything. That is not true, I worry all the time about many things, the difference is that I can’t show that I am worried because that doesn’t calm the situation and I certainly know what is expected of me in those circumstances.

There is rarely a time or a place when I can express my concerns or feeling and that means that I do the thing that is expected and I keep them to myself.

I am (like many people with the penis issue) a carer and fixer. That role is part of who I am and I accept that.

But, we are talking about d/s and in this situation I work damn hard to be a partner, yes, Lillith has conceded control in many aspects of our relationship, but she has done this as my partner, my equal. She has every single bit as much power in this relationship as I do. What about the responsibility she bears as my equal in this? Why would I take that power away from her if we had not negotiated that?

So many times when talking about d/s I see people who forget that this is always an exchange of power between two fully consenting adults and that means from the very beginning that you must start as equals in power. If that isn’t the case you are not having a d/s relationship, you are having a coercive relationship. I don’t do that.

And as a final note about the quote. I am a unique person and I am great in a lot of situation be they good or bad. But the one thing I never want to be is “Adult” I have never found that is helpful in any way. I don’t run away from, the problem, I am there until it is resolved. But adult? Thanks but no. It has been my experience that means you have lost all imagination and the ability to find the solution that is just awful for everyone. Every adult I have ever met has just been awful and made decisions based on their own self interest.

So I reject your adulthood and substitute it with my own version of continuing learning to find every bit of joy where I can. I will be Irresponsible Me

Michael