A switch is not a real dom/sub
No one is just one thing. I mean, some people are, but I don’t think that is very healthy. We all live on a spectrum. Our sexuality, our spirituality, our politics and our gender. We are a sum of all that we are. My being dom doesn’t represent all that I am and neither does any of the many parts that make me who I am. I would never let anyone define by any one part of me, not the mistakes, or the successes.
We like things to be in black and white don’t we though? No middle ground for anything. That just makes it easier. We know what everyone is without any effort. Stick a label on them and we are all done. We can just put those people that aren’t like us into a box and close the lid.
That makes us blind to how complicated people are and limits how we see and interact with them. I know that I have been judged this way, even by those who should know better. I have done the same, but I at least have learned to better with that. But it is a lesson that never ends and I am committed to doing better.
Just let people be what they want to be so long as it does no harm to others. And if they are sometime dom or sub, or lesbian or gay or bi or trans or anything at all what does it matter? How does it impact your life and how you live it? Give others the space to be what they are even if that changes so that you can break out of the box you have built for yourself. Wishing people were happy in the boxes you have put them in doesn’t work. Ever.
I know that this can be hard to do. It is easy to make people “the other” and that scares people. Kinky people scare society, as does any other deviation from what is considered the norm. And even within BDSM people bring the conformity that reinforces their beliefs and you end up with the quote that started all of this.
Let’s make accepting the differences the norm and all be switch hitters in the ways that work for us and help others feel accepted by doing the work to try to understand them.