I am a patient man. This isn’t just my opinion. I have been told this many times over the years. It has served me well and I work hard to cultivate it. When I do it right it helps me. It keeps me calm under pressure and mostly stops me from letting anger drive my decisions. Mostly the people in my life like it too.
Except, when they don’t. Sometimes it seems, people just want a fight. They need to be able to get angry someone and that requires someone to fight with. I am not very good at being that person. After all how do you fight with someone who is calm and patient and reasonable with you?
That is frustrating if what you are looking for is a good fight. This isn’t to say that I don’t run out of patience, but it does take a lot. I understand the need for a good fight. It can allow expression of repressed emotions. To uncork the bottle and let all of those feelings out. I certainly understand the attraction. I also know the reason why I work so hard to not let that out. My Father was the angriest, most unhappy person I have ever met. Through my whole childhood there was one thing that set off all of those other things. His utter lack of patience with me, in just about every aspect of my life. I have always worried that his temper was genetic and that despite my best efforts there would be nothing to keep me being just like him. So far I think I have managed alright.
There is one time where my patience seems to fail me. When I am away from her too long. That makes me grumpy. I just can’t help it. By nature our communication while fairly constant does come with times where we aren’t in touch as much and that makes me impatient and very grumpy. It turns out that I need her in my life. She helps me find that balance, that patience that I need in my life.
Neither Molly or I are with the people that we want to be with and while we are getting along much better these days that doesn’t mean that it is always easy. I try to do my best and I know that she does to, but that isn’t easy. We are moving in different directions and trying to cope with life during lockdown is very stressful for everyone.
So here we are each of us not in the right place in the world while coping with a pandemic and Fascism and the rest of the world while managing separating from each other, so it is no wonder that patience runs a little short at times. We will manage, the world will go back to how it was, or it will change into something new. There is very little any of us in all thing can do except to wait and see how it all shakes out and look out for each other as best we can while we wait.
And that, is going to take a lot of patience. Luckily I have had a lot of time to work of that skill.