What you do or What you are?

Tell me if you would, if you consider yourself a Dominant or submissive, is your D or s what you do, or what you are?

I know how it works for me. It isn’t like socks in my case. Or maybe it is? I am who I am no matter if I am wearing socks or not. Or anything else for that matter. I sleep naked and that doesn’t mean that I stop being Dominant, not if I am naked, or even asleep there is no off switch for that part of me.

While I am always Dom I don’t have to Dom everyone around me. I don’t Dom the mailman or the people I encounter in the vanilla world. I only Dom those that have agreed to submit to me and that is only one person. You may also know that I have the very odd notion that love, sex and D/s are all part of the same thing for me. Maybe I am the only person for who that is true.

That doesn’t mean I am Dom about everything with her even. Just the parts we have negotiated. It also doesn’t mean that I can be soft and loving and gentle and romantic and spank her and use her. I can not conceive of a reason you can’t be all of those things at the same time.

I asked people on Twitter if the were Dom or sub all of the time and I got mixed responses. All of them are valid, I just wondered if anyone felt the same way I did. Some did, even if they weren’t terribly happy about that. Once upon a time, in fact for most of my life, I didn’t know that I was a Dom. It took Molly gently pointing out to me that I might just be that and not to be afraid of the label. To understand that my desire for that control didn’t make me just a bad person who liked to hurt women. That informed consent made all the difference aand that I could open accept and acknowledge that part of me that I had denied most of my life.

So I strive to embrace that part of me and integrate it into the whole of me. To understand that it isn’t a separate thing, but a facet of what makes me the person that I am. Gentle, nurturing, loving and Dominant

I am that, to my core and I am happier now that I have found a way to accept that seeming contradiction and know that it is what I am, not what I do. Of course the only person any of this applies to is me and everyone has their own way and interpretation and as long as that makes them happy then that is all that matters.

I am glad to have had this conversation with Lillith because it has given me a reason to examine my thoughts and feelings and to make sure that I do what I feel is right and true and that shows the best part of our relationship in that we both try to take nothing for granted. Thank you my love.

Michael