Each sub has to have their own collar and a collar that was worn by another sub before should never be worn by anyone.
I have already written this post, and then I decided to start over. There was a gap between writing it and actually pressing the publish button and that gave me time to think. That can be problematic for me because I often find that more thinking doesn’t always lead to better writing, and yet here we are.
What Does A Collar Mean To Me?
For me a collar is the symbol of all we are to each other. As I have often said that is Love, Sex and D/S and everything else. But it is just a symbol and in no way is imbued with anything beyond that. The actual relationship is far more important than any “thing”
That doesn’t mean that whatever form the collar takes it doesn’t matter, it does. She needs to like it and so do I. But it is just a thing, if it is lost or destroyed it can be replaced. It isn’t our d/s in an object and its loss doesn’t mean the end of what we are.
The Collars Of Relationships Past
I have collared 3 people in my whole life. Molly, Cara and Lillith. What has become of those collars now that the first two d/s relationships have ended? Molly has decided that she is no longer a submissive, nit that she isn’t kinky or that she doesn’t like her partners to be dominant, just that she identifies more with being a bottom than being a sub. She no longer wears any of the collars that I bought for her to identify our d/s. I know she still has a leather play collar in her bag that I am sure will find use during kink play.
Molly recently went through her considerable collection of collars and ask me if I wanted any of that. She wanted them to be passed on if they could bring happiness to someone else and I was the first place she asked because they are from our time together. Molly is a wise women and just as importantly a practical one. Collars can be expensive and it would be silly to waste them or worse yet to throw them away.
Cara as far as I know still has the collar from when we were a couple. I hope she still wears it when she wants, whether that is in the context of play or maybe in a d/s relationship. Yes I gave it to her to represent what we were, but that doesn’t mean that it needs to be put away gathering dust as some sort of memento. But that is for her to decide and what matters to me is that it once made her happy and I hope that maybe it still does.
Collars Of Today
Lillith has two, one of which is a bracelet and the other is a leather collar for her neck. She wears the bracelet as her day collar because her local life doesn’t allow for a traditional collar and I love that she wears a token of us every day, just as I wear tokens of my own. The leather collar is for when we are together and that moment that she kneels before me to have it placed around her throat is precious to us. But it is the moment and not the object that makes it special.
Someday I will be gone from Lillith’s life and she will go on without me, that is just how life works when you are older than your partner. She gets to decide what to do with her collars. If she wants to keep wearing them in memory of us or if she wants to wear them from someone else well, that is good too. Either way it is a way of remembering us and if neither works and she if gives them to someone else to use in their journey in life and d/s that is a way of honoring us as well.
I love her, not her collar. I have been accused of not being sentimental and that is not true. I am just sentimental about people and not objects, because I can replace an object, I can never replace a person.
You of course don’t need to listen to me, because the only person I can speak for is me. And if you feel that something else needs to happen with a collar once d/s is done then you should do that.
For myself I hope that the things I leave behind go on to bring joy and happiness to others.
Does the collar belong to you or do you belong to the collar? In my mind there is only one right answer. The one that is right for you and your partner.
I know my answer.