Something about fear and d/s

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fear and d/s

For this edition of #NTW the quote is:

For the Dominant: Create a sense of fear

I am sure that there are people who get off on fear, from both sides of the slash. I am not one of them. If I caused my partner to fear for their mental or physical safety I would be devastated.

I attended a session on fear play at kinkfest a few years ago and it was fascinating, and I am glad I went. I learned about it. Much of it was psychological play and mind fucks. But I am not the right person if you need fear to be aroused.

There is a world of difference between a bit of dangerous play, so long as you know you are actually safe. Like a roller coaster or a haunted house gets the adrenaline flowing, but at the same time your rational mind knows that you will not suffer any actual harm. Humans are often attracted to risky activities that feed their need for that rush.

Fantasy is one thing but putting someone in a state of fear to reinforce your dominance seems to be way to close to the line of it being abuse for me and I would rather not get that close to the edge.

I like playing with the edges, but only if I can do so with complete confidence. I like knife play, but I take every precaution that nothing will go amiss and be prepared just in case that something does go wrong. I make sure to check in and make sure my partner is ok the whole time. If that takes the edge off, well, that is just a price I am willing to pay.

I was once told that I spent too much time checking that the person I was playing with was comfortable and they told me to just do what I wanted. I did my best, but I don’t think that worked for either of us.

In the end what two people do is down to them so long as the both feel comfortable and safe. But I don’t ever want “no limits’. I need my limits as a Dom respected just as much as I need to respect the limits of my sub.

So I would rather earn her respect and submission and then explore the places that takes us.

And not base our relationship on fear.

Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Yoda

Michael

No True Way

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