I hate to be the one to break it to you, but for me kink isn’t dark. It is not me exposing the evil core of my soul. It isn’t a way to exorcise my demons or pass on abuse that has been done to me. I will never do kink angry, or intoxicated, or without the fully informed consent of my partner.
It is just exploring things that turn us on.
Humans are complicated creatures with complicated brains and sex is just one of those complicated things. Sure there are unexplored areas within us all. Some just repress them for all of their lives, but that doesn’t seem healthy to me. Society doesn’t help with its narrow definition of what “normal” is.
Society, whatever that is, can’t even agree on what is acceptable deviation from the stated norm is. What was ok in the past is not ok now and what will be ok in the future is anyone’s guess. To me it is all just part of the same thing. The way we express our sexual desires and the only things that need to be moderated are fully informed consent and a promise to do no harm. I say harm because that is a very different thing than hurt.
Hurting someone who enjoys being hurt is fine to me. But causing someone harm is never ok. What is the difference? Marks are hurt, permanent injury whether physical or emotional is not. That is in all things, not just in kink moments, but for life. I have made this mistake and caused people I love emotional harm and I am doing my best to make sure than never happens again.
Enough of the supposed dark side of kink. It is time to talk about the light side and for me, if I am doing it right it is always light. That doesn’t mean that it is gentle and insubstantial. It can be dirty and harsh and filthy and intense and still be full of light.
How you may ask? It is the intention behind it. I am always trying to bring as much pleasure to her as possible, even if it doesn’t seem like pleasure to others. Our kink moments are full of love and laughter and as much fun as we can possibly cram into them. Yep, laughing is not only ok, but encouraged. Sometimes it brings tears too, sometimes that is a silent safe word and sometimes it is just a release of pent up emotions.
Because while the fantasy of being the dark and evil, brooding Dom can be fun. It isn’t really who I am and I would much prefer to be the smiling happy Dom who hurts her in all the right ways, the ways that make her smile and know that she is loved.
For me, there is no dark side of the moon. Just light and love and happiness that just happens to be served with a healthy dose of pain and humiliation.
Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.~ Brene Brown