We just finished a long phone conversation about a number of things, because that is what we do, we talk about things. It occurred to me just after this call that we had never discussed what D/s means to us. So while this call is fresh in my mind I am going to attempt the impossible. I am going to define our D/s. As always this definition only applies to me and YMMV so don’t lose you mind if my version is not your version, as I have always said “You define the label, the label does not define you”.
So here we go. We are Dom and sub. She has given me control over her, not in all of her life but over much of it. Her orgasms are mine, her heart is mine, her body is mine. I set her tasks and punish her when she gets things wrong or fails to please me. I get to care for her, to look after her needs, and to help her achieve her goals and love her.
There are days that we call “mean days” where our D/s gets ramped up. Tasks get harder the punishments do too. We both need those days. Being separated can mean that those urges. mine to dominate and hers to submit can grow to a dull roar and those urges must be satisfied. Mean days are how we relieve that pressure, I think they are vital to our relationship.
We are working on all the rest and I think that is how D/s in our lives must be looked at. As a work in progress, not something that is ever completed, but something that evolves as our relationship does and is always being discussed and tested and revised. That makes it a living, breathing part of our lives and it means that we don’t need to check in and make sure we are in a place where we are both happy because that is baked in to how we interact every day.
We will make mistakes and get things wrong. We will hurt each other and make each other mad. It is silly to think that things could be otherwise. If we don’t acknowledged that and prepare for it then we will not be anywhere close to ready when that happens. We need to be as ready for the hard parts as we are for the easy ones. We have not chosen a simple road to travel with D/s, LDR and a host of other life obstacles in our way and that means we have to commit to this, not halfheartedly, not with blinders on, but with open hearts, open minds and a willingness to make the changes we need to so that we are together for the long term.
That is what D/s is to me, not just the rules and the task and the kink. But a commitment of love, trust and brutally honest communication. Every. Single. Day. While Lillith has trouble seeing 24×7 as part of her whole life, I don’t because that is the amount of my life that I am willing to put into making sure that this works. That isn’t to say that I am any more invested than she is. It is just that she has faced a different path to where we are right now. I know that she is every bit as dedicated to us as I am. She just doesn’t call it the same thing I do. And that is ok, because as the saying goes “We are in it to win it” and we are in it together, as partners, as a team. I can’t do it without her, and I am beyond glad that I don’t have to.
So I will call it 24×7 D/s, and she won’t and in the end it doesn’t matter even a little bit what we call it. As long as we both consent to it and both enjoy it, then we can call it chocolate cake for all that it matters (we won’t because she is not a fan of chocolate or cake) what I will do is be proud that she has given herself to me and that I have equally given myself to her and that whatever we face, we are not facing it alone. Even though she claims that I am very silly.
I love you my Lillith, my beloved, are you ready to explore this together?
These are our Rules of Engagement