I have many passing thoughts, some are silly, some are deep (at least I think so) and some just keep bouncing around in my head until I have the time and space to let them out.
The one that has been bouncing around lately is taboo. When thinking about kinks and where they come from I was left with only a few possibilities. Now this, as with so much of my writing, only applies to me and YMMV.
My initial thought was that brains and humans are all unique and we don’t know really how sexual desires work and that perhaps through a combination of genetics and mutation that what gets our motor running is nothing more than random chance and nothing more. That we are hardwired from the moment of our birth to like and dislike certain things and there is nothing we can do to change that.
But on reflection I considered that my tastes in so many things have changed over the course of my life. I hated broccoli as a child and I love it now. And there are things I used to love that I can’t stand now. Perhaps experiences and life shaped me to be a kinky person?
Maybe because I was physically and emotionally abused throughout puberty and wasn’t in control meant that kink gave me that control back and I enjoy hurting and controlling others because that was what was taught to me. A crucial difference for me though is consent. I was hurt without consent and that doesn’t work for me with others. I only enjoy it if the person I am having kink moments with enjoys it too.
Then it occurred to me that I have always been a rebel and that conformity never appealed to be, that the mores and strictures of normal society have always chafed. Perhaps it is the taboo nature of it all that works for me? That makes a lot of sense, I have always gone my own way and anything that went against convention has always had an piquant appeal to me. When kink really became a full part of my life it was always exploring the edges and learning what turned myself and others on was what kept my connected. This notion fits with my hatred of suits which I see as the ultimate emblem of conformity. I know that some of the things that turn me on are challenging even to others in the kink community. My DD/lg relationship and an interest in watersports and humiliation can put people off and that fits into this theory too. That even in a kink friendly place I need to rebel and explore the taboo places.
What I decided in the end was that on some level all of these things are true. That I was predisposed from the beginning to be kinky. That my life experiences reinforced that predisposition and that my need to rebel and buck the system all combined to make me the kinky person I am today.
What about you? Have you even given any thought to how your sexuality developed? I would love to know. What do you do that others consider taboo?
For now I will accept myself for who and what I am and continue to explore all these things with someone who wants to experience them with me.