My little slut was expressing some thoughts about the seeming contradiction between BDSM and your partner being mushy and romantic and loving. And I can see how many people might find those things mutually exclusive. After all, how can you beat, humiliate and use someone you love?
This conversation started with her telling how amazing it was to find love and caring and D/s all in the same purpose. Not that she hadn’t seen that represented on Twitter and blogs, but that she had never experienced it herself.
In fact she had been scared of the notion of 24×7 D/s because of that lack of connection between those two things.
I also had the idea that during play (moments) loving has no place. Or couldn’t be there at the same time
We have of course discussed this more since her message to me. This made me think about how my experience is different and wonder how many people think/thought the way Lillith did.
For myself I can’t imagine not having love and romance as part of D/s even in the middle of punishment or kink moments. I don’t just want that connection and correlation. I need it.
I would even go so far as to say that I don’t think I could do D/s without it. Topping or casual kink moments can be fun, but for me they merely whet my appetite and that can only be sated by using, beating, owning the one I love.
As I was writing this post today I asked my beloved if her thoughts on this had changed. Her response was…
My thoughts have changed. D/s and a loving, caring relationship don’t just work well together. It makes D/s better.
That is still a process in my head though
This is what making a new relationship, D/s or otherwise is about, learning, talking and growing together. We have only just scratched the surface of what our D/s will be like and this is just another step in the many yet to come.