A Good Sub

I have a dilemma. I don’t quite know how to find a solution to it either. You see, the wonderful and amazing woman in my life, my precious partner and submissive. Well, she doesn’t think she is a good sub.

Hard to believe I know, but there it is. I asked her point blank. Are you a good sub?

Her: Fine

Me: Are you a good sub?

Her: Not too bad

Me: Are you a good sub?

Her: Fine, I am

Me: Are you a good sub?

Her: I’m ok, I could be better

Since we are not in person we have a points system and she got a number of points for this exchange. She felt that all she was doing was expressing what is the truth and wanted to know what she was to put done as the reason for her points on the shared points spreadsheet. I told her that they were for self deprecation.

The thing is that she is a wonderful sub. She puts thought and time into our d/s and her submission. Yes, she sometimes struggles with her submission and can even rebel against it. None of that means she is a bad sub. D/s isn’t easy and I get the conflict it can be, even I have my struggles with how to reconcile wanting this in my life when on the surface it conflicts with my values and beliefs. But I know that it is something I need and for me, understanding that d/s is at its core about consent and self discovery has led me to understanding that my sexual and emotional needs are not at odds with how I believe people should be treated. It is simply how we have decided to interact with each other in a way that suits our needs and desires while maintaining complete respect for each other.

So how do I show her that she is indeed a good sub? I can’t punish her into a belief in her self. No amount of spanking will change her mind, just make her say the words but not mean them. On second thought, no she wouldn’t, she is as stubborn as I am.

What I will do is show her. Help her discover by my actions that she is a good sub. She’s not perfect and neither am I, but together we are perfect together. I know that she will be there for me when I have those same self doubts and all the other things to make ourselves the best we can be for ourselves and each other.

There will still be points for self deprecation until then. All given with love. To my very good sub.

What about you? Are you a good dom? A good sub? A good switch? A good partner?

Michael