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The Responsible Party

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The Responsible Party

The dom is the responsible one

As always I want to start by saying that what I write here is my opinion and does not apply to other people. I have strong opinions on the above quote.

D/s is not a one way street, it takes at least two. It is a shared relationship and that means sharing everything (so long as that is what is negotiated) that includes being responsible.

She is my sub and not my child. She has wants and need and goals and desires. Saying that all responsibility is mine is hugely limiting of her agency. It is treating her somehow as less and that isn’t acceptable to me. She is my equal in all things, just because she has chosen to submit that doesn’t change that at all.

In many way she is better than I am at so many things and that does not diminish me at all, in fact it shows how much she thinks of me to relinquish control where she does. I get the impulse to take on all responsibility as the dom in a relationship. If I make a mistake I am responsible for that and if she makes a mistake it is also my fault because I didn’t train/teach/instruct her well enough. Taking on that role is hurtful and unsustainable for both of us.

As a partnership of equals we both need to take responsibility for our actions as well as remind each other that the burden and challenges of d/s are not faced alone. Our roles regardless of our place in d/s is to lift each other up. To help each other be the best we can be, no matter what that is.

We choose what we are to ourselves and each other but neither of us owns all the responsibility. We must always be a team and hold ourselves and each other as the responsible parties.


No True Way

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