I don’t believe in god. I doubt that I ever have. While I was raised catholic and even an altar boy none of that made me believe. Experience only confirmed that none of the people at church had any answers that worked for me.
I always wanted to believe, but I needed a logical and consistent system for that to work. A god I could understand and the one requirement I could never manage was blind faith. To believe against all proof that god was real. In fact it was believing with no proof that made it true.
I am just not built that way and I don’t understand people who are. Perhaps I lack something that others have to make that possible.
Much of my family are religious. My mother was a born again Xtian and my sister has caught that infection. Life has made me ardently atheist.
Likewise my relationship partners have for the most part been non religious. Until now.
I am now in love with a woman of faith. I won’t specify what faith because it isn’t relevant. In the past I would have said that this would never happen. Never would I ever be in love with a believer.
How do I deal with it? With love and understanding, compassion and learning. I ask lots of questions and because I am me some are ridiculous. But mostly I try to understand what it is she believes and why.
What don’t I do? I don’t try to change her mind because that would be trying to change who she is and I love her just how she is. I don’t mock her beliefs or belittle her customs.
How does she deal with my atheism? By accepting who I am and not trying to change that which is core to what I am.
I wouldn’t say that it is all smooth sailing, any difference this profound will by necessity bring conflict of some sort. But like everything else in life relationships are built on compromise and acceptance. Most importantly lots of discussion and respect for boundaries.
The most important thing is that we respect each other. That no topic is off limits so long and neither of us tries to convert the other. Luckily neither of us is evangelical for our team.
Do I still think that religion is bad for humanity? Yeah, mostly I do. I still believe that religion exists to enforce cultural behavior that reinforces patriarchy and conformity. Do I think that spirituality is bad? Well, so long as in is not forced on others without their consent, then no. In some ways it is a lot like kink. A variation of Your Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink is OK. For spirituality I would say, Your God Is Not My God, But Your God Is OK.
I don’t claim to know what made the universe come to be, I don’t know what made us come to be and I am not so foolish to believe that I have all the answers. And so my title for this piece is taken from a science fiction book that really has nothing to do with religion but struck a chord with me when I thought about writing this post. That if a deity does exist, then we are but a mote in god’s eye.
None of this probably makes sense to anyone but me and I am quite ok with that. It is just something that has been rumbling in my brain for a while. Will religion or spirituality cause our path through life together to be more complicated? I am sure it will. But then, as I have always said, if it was easy, then anyone could do it. I know for sure that I want to do it with her.