There’s no place for love in D/s.
I know, I am a broken record. I have said it before, I can’t have one without the other. I need the whole package. This is a relatively recent discovery for me in the scheme of things. I lived most of my life without d/s, but once I knew it existed and was something that pushed all of my hitherto unknown buttons I knew I could never be without it ever again.
I am a poor writer but I will do my best to convey why. When I was young and foolish (not that I am any less foolish now, just foolish in new ways) I fell in love and that was pretty damn amazing and as young people do I thought love was forever. Seems pretty silly now all these years later but I am sure most of you have done the same.
Then I had a very long NKE (Non Kink Enabled) marriage and I thought that was my last relationship. As before I was very much mistaken. Life and illness changed all that and I was off again. This time to another marriage, this time it included d/s.
This was what I had been missing. When I learned that there was more than just love and sex. A whole new dimension that gave me something that I never knew that I had been missing. The combination was more satisfying that I can put in words and you would have to experience it (and maybe be me) to understand it.
Now most of you know I fucked that up royally and that is over. But as I should have already learned, life, love and d/s weren’t done with me yet and here we are now. I am in love and d/s again with Lillith and where that will go only time will tell. But I do know that those two things will be part of it.
I can’t imagine having a sub that I am supposed to care for, to look after, to nurture and grow with and not have that include love. I suppose their are some that could do that but I can’t. I have to put my whole heart into it to give her the care and devotion that she deserves for being my sub. I need to the same in return for my dominance, I need to feel her love to know that we are both doing what we want because her support of me is every bit as important as my support of her.
So I will turn around the quote for this prompt and make it suit me, and hopefully her.
There’s no place for me in d/s without love.
Michael
Admittedly, I know little about real life D/s. I write. I know that there is an aspect that is very community oriented, with parties and dungeon play. That people do scenes to find gratification, let off steam, and all kinds of reasons, and then they go home alone.
That is not for me. For me, love – is self -sacrificing, and it very much fits the nature of the Sub. And it is Protective and challenging, which very much fits the nature of the Dom…and then you add trust and it takes it to another level. Trust and communication without love are only half-way things. It’s so easy to hold back when you are only thinking of your own needs.
So I agree. All may not agree. That’s okay. There is something to be said for the journey. But I know what my journey endpoint has to look like or for me, personally. Naww. Sorry.
which is to say…in my half written way. I agree with you.
Like you I didn’t know I needed D/s in my life until I had it and found I did. Without love though it really didn’t work for me and like you I need love for it to work. I think the same is true for G. Great post and stop saying you don’t write well, you do.