Dominants tend to be the “Alpha Male”, and that is why “Dom” is always spelled with a capital, while “sub” is always lowercase.
People love rules. They love to impose rules on everything. That isn’t always a bad thing because without rules humans tend to make things go very wrong. But like so many thing people get pedantic and want there to be rules when none are really needed and then make up all kinds of justifications for these ridiculous rules.
Then of course if you aren’t following their rules you are not a Twue Dom or a Twue Sub. And mostly I ask myself, “Who put them in charge?” Who decided that all black was kink wear? Who decided on the capitalization of Dom and sub and does it really matter?
Not to me it doesn’t, sure you can argue that it reinforces the dynamic in a consistent manner. But to me, if that is what it takes to assert my dominance or Submission then maybe it isn’t as deep as I think.
The oft portrayed ideal is that the dom is always dom every second of every day and that the sub is waiting patiently for their doms every command. That doesn’t acknowledge people exist in the real world. That there are dishes to be done. Dinners to be made, work to be done. For that, in most circumstances, you need to be a team. Perhaps there are couples that manage to do that where the sub does all of that while the dom goes to work, but I have never met these people outside of fiction. That doesn’t mean they don’t exist, just that I can’t imagine that applies to the vast majority of people.
D/s and the relationships people build on that don’t have to follow any rules other than the rules that the people involved negotiate between them and nothing more.
They are every bit as valid as those who profess that they dom the world or are sub to any that they they perceive as dominant.
I don’t expect anyone to agree with me or change what they do because I don’t do what they do. But I do expect people to respect our decisions and our style of d/s, even if it isn’t how they might do it.
And if I sometimes follow their rules because it suits us, well, I am consistently inconsistent.
There are some Doms who are so badly alpha, at least in their minds, that they think they are Dominants for every women who are all submissive simply due to their gender and then can’t understand why the majority just won’t obey them!!
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