Anyone remember math class from school? I remember it very well in spite of the fact that it was an eternity ago. I was always pretty good at math, but my handwriting was so terrible that my homework and tests often got poor grades because of it. The one thing that came to my mind when I saw the prompt for Wicked Wednesday was perseverance was the one good thing I took away from math. Show your work. Prove that you know what you need to do to get to the answer.
How does this relate to perseverance? I will endeavor to provide a cogent example.
Many of you know that Molly and I are no longer a couple. This is my fault, completely and utterly. I have never said anything different. I accepted what that meant. I accept that there was nothing I could say that would make that better. So what did I do? I owned my mistake and did everything I could to show that I knew that. And here is the important part. I did that with no expectation of things changing. When Molly needed to express her hurt, her anger her disappointment I let her. I didn’t try to justify what I did, I didn’t try to explain my actions I simply acknowledge my part.
Mostly that just seemed to make her angry at first. That I couldn’t answer the why. No answer I could give her would make her understand. So I persevered by showing my work. That whatever she wanted to tell me she could. No matter how much it hurt to hear. And it hurt, a lot. But that was the only thing I could to do show that I was committed to this. To show and not tell that I fully accept the consequences of my actions.
Things are better now. Not perfect, but much improved. Molly has realized that while I did the wrong thing at first. I did the right thing afterwards, not for any other reason than it was the right thing to do. She would have been completely justified in staying angry with me forever. If I had doubled down and tried to spend my time explaining the why, and how I am not a bad person, that the reasons that I did it meant I should be forgiven. Well, that would have fixed nothing. Because the why, in the end, really doesn’t matter. You might think that the wrong you have done was trivial (not that mine was), because it wasn’t done with the intent to hurt. But as humans none of us react well to pain. You burn your hand and curse the flame not yourself even though the fault is yours.
This is not my first mistake, nor will it be my last, I have already made them with Lillith. I will persevere though. I will show my work.
Michael
It is seldom the things we do that makes things terrible, but the way we react or respond to them. The way we own up to them. Honesty goes a long way when we fuck up. I know it is a difficult thing, but I just don’t understand why so many people lie to their partners rather than just being open and communicating honestly with them. I had a partner lie to me about something he wanted to do because he thought it would upset me if I knew. Of course I found out anyway. And then the issue became his lying rather than the thing itself. I could have gotten over the thing easily enough. The lie stuck with me.
I have no idea what happened between you and Molly, nor do I care to know. It is your thing. Your writing just lead me down this path of thought about my own experiences and expectations.
Stella
It’s good to hear things are better now.
Rebel xox