Mean week just ended. Lillith had mentioned when that week started that she was going to need a lot of aftercare (see Lillith’s note), and that was very good of her to let me know that since we are new together, and mostly LDR, so that kind of communication is vital. This was a challenge for the both of us since we were pushing boundaries and limits. The challenge was to make the outcome of mean week be a net positive for the both of us. The point wasn’t to be mean just for the sake of meanness, that isn’t mean, that is cruel and pointless and in spite of what others might think, I am not a sadist.
I won’t recount all the tasks set for her during this time, but the test for me was to find things that demonstrated my knowledge of her, her needs, her wants and even her dislikes. To test her obedience in ways that were challenging to her but not damaging to her either physically or emotionally. And most importantly be supportive at all times during this journey. To help her when things were hard. To comfort her when she felt like she had failed and explain how those things were not a failure of will or submission, but a situation where circumstances conspired to prevent the exact completion of the task at hand. If the reason for mean week would have been to set her up to fail, then that would have been a failure on my part.
And that was what I had in my mind before, during and after mean week. The care that I would need to take. Care isn’t just for after kink moments (my new expression for play) it should be part of everything. Exploring these areas can be tricky. You never know what could be crossing a line that you don’t even know about, or a line that even the person you are engaging with doesn’t even know that they have. You need to be prepared to deal with those things, because they will happen, and you can find yourself lost in deep waters without a life jacket. This is risky at the best of times and not being able to always being to read physical cues because of the limits of time and technology can be hard, not to mention that you can’t wrap someone up in your arms and give the comfort and reassurance of touch so you have to make do with messages of care.
What did mean week teach me? It taught me how much being obedient means to Lillith, how far she is willing to go to please me, and how much pleasing me pleases her. It taught me that I have a pretty good grasp of what works and doesn’t work. And most of all it showed me exactly how engaged I need to be with caring for how she is doing the whole time. I will carry these lessons into our day to day relationship and some will be something that get added to our life together even though the week is over. Will mean week return? I suspect so, I think we both found a valuable experience that added to our D/s and connection to each other.
It also reinforced the need for care, before, during and not just after.
Lillith’s note
That night when I said I will need aftercare was not referring to mean week in general. It was that night you sent me those voice messages, saying how I will need to prove myself. And after those messages I was sure to need aftercare
Michael
