So this post isn’t about one thing but rather two. The first is that Lillith and I have met in person. It was brilliant in ways that I am not sure I can explain just yet. It was the culmination of a perfect storm of events. I had recently finished destroying my last relationship and seriously damaging my other. While I am completely to blame for all of this, but if I spend all my time wallowing in self pity, well, no one is served by that. So while I carry the burden of that each and every day, I made the choice to try to interact with world again. I started a new Twitter account and started this blog to find out what the future might hold for me. Lillith was one of the people who came along when I started tweeting. She responded to a tweet I made with a DM and conversations ensued. Good conversations that ranged over so many different topics and included the beginning of sharing our thoughts on many things including D/s. As we talked it became more obvious that there was a very strong attraction on so many levels. The more we talked, the more we wanted to talk and eventually we decided that the only way to know if there was more here was to meet.
And so we did. We spent 48 hours in a Bed and No Breakfast that was one of the oddest place I have ever stayed in and I have stayed in some pretty odd places. In the end we spent almost all of our time in our room exploring each other. It was brilliant. We laughed and talked and played and when it was time for us to depart we did so reluctantly.
Was it perfect? No… and yet… yes. Because the Bed and No Breakfast had taken the art of crafting a listing that at best, could be describe as stretching the truth about as far as it could go, we weren’t in an ideal place to get to know each other in completely stress free surrounding. There were no amenities to smooth over any jitters, awkwardness or nervousness that are an inevitable part of meeting someone new. Yet it didn’t dampen anything at all. If anything it gave us the chance to see how we dealt with difficult circumstance and to find out if we only worked together when everything else went smoothly. Our surroundings didn’t change a thing, our conversation as explorations went the same as if we were staying in a 5 star hotel with room service. So in that way, it was perfect.
Perfect Part Two
So we are each back in our respective residences making plans to meet again in the future and talking about our time together and how we feel about it, trying to settle back in to our regular routines after a rather intense encounter. That means back to chatting online and voice messages and calls when we can manage them. It isn’t easy but having plans helps. We have some mutual online friends and one of them was showing me pictures of their Xmas cookies. I remarked that they looked delightful and delicious and their response was, “They are far from perfect” and I answered right back, “Who wants perfect? I don’t want perfect anything. I don’t want it in my cookies and I don’t want it in my sub and you best be sure that you won’t be getting perfect from me.”
And it is true for me at least. I am not perfect and no one is perfect and I am pretty damn glad of that, because perfect is dull, and boring and leaves no room to learn and grow. Right now I need to know that I can change for the future, to avoid the mistakes I have made in that past as I move forward into an unknown future. I will never be perfect and I do not expect anyone else to be perfect but as we go forward we can strive to be better, to make perfection an unattainable goal and know that it is not a destination, but a journey that doesn’t end. We can and should enjoy that journey and not get caught up in the fact that everything isn’t perfect. It will never be perfect, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t great right now.
So I can’t say that I have weathered the perfect storm of events, in some ways I am still caught right up in it. There are so many complicated conversations and decisions to be made and I (and others) are wet, cold, tired and bedraggled, but there is also a glimmer of the storm passing and hope for the future for all of us. No guarantees of course, just a chance that we can all emerge on the other side better and happier people. I want that more than anything. For those I love to be happy. For me to be happy. For everyone to figure out what makes them happy.
Just not perfect.