When I was thinking about what to write today I was having trouble finding a topic that resonated with me that didn’t require research or inordinate amount of time thinking my way through it. When I suddenly was inspired. A lot of what I have been writing about comes down to one thing.
The thing that I am looking for boiled down to one word. The thing that I need. Now I know that for many the level of connection of connect that they need for kink, D/s, or sex is much lower than mine. I have been a stunt arm for a select few people, but that is far as I am willing to go and even those people I know pretty damn well. And I think I do a fine job of being a top. But of all the things that actually move me I need that connection. That place where what we are doing become something more. A sum that is greater than its parts. That kind of connection is rare for me. I need the three components to all fit together to achieve that. I have had casual sex, casual kink and to me topping is related to D/s. But while I enjoy each of them on their own it is not nearly as powerful by even a fraction of what it is when combined.
Could I have multiple people fill those roles and come close to the power of the trinity? I don’t think so. Could I have multiple people who are all three in one each? More likely, But unless those relationships are completely independent and can stand on their own everything is likely to come tumbling down if one of those connections break.
Everything is in flux and what I am writing here is a way to clarify my thoughts by putting them someplace besides the inside of my skull. That way others can read and if I am really lucky comment or message me.
I can tell you for sure that when I find that connection the world opens up for me. So you will have to forgive me if I can’t stop chasing that dream because it is addictive, seductive, hypnotizing and all consuming.
I want to connect the dots, and I don’t want to miss a thing.